Knowing It All And Getting It Wrong – Part 3

The manner of Claire and Conrad’s departure sent Marion straight to the Internet. There were obviously some huge holes in her knowledge and understanding about the world she lived in, and she urgently needed to fill them. Flying saucers had never before featured in her world view, but now that she had seen one, her world view was going to have to make room for them. Fortunately she came across the website Exopolitics.org, which soon answered most of her questions, though not without some major revisions to her personal map of reality.

It also opened up a huge and fascinating field of enquiry, which absorbed all her evenings for some time. Among other things, she learned about ETs, about the Secret Space Programs with their advanced spacecraft, and about the two Alliances working for the downfall of the Cabal – one in space, and one on Earth.

One item particularly caught her attention. Some high-level members of the Cabal had apparently defected to the Alliance, and were buying protection and pardon for themselves by providing evidence of the Cabal’s crimes and agreeing to be witnesses at their trials. These defectors and their families had been taken to off-world safe havens by the Secret Space Program Alliance. Were Conrad and Claire among them? She fervently hoped they were. Some of the alternatives were too horrific to contemplate…

One day she returned to their home, and was distressed to find the front door hanging off its hinges and the interior wrecked. She called the police, who said they were already aware, but there were no leads, and nothing they could do. So who had done this? Was it the same people who had taken Conrad and Claire, or a different group? And why?

Thinking about all this – or trying not to think about it – kept her awake at nights. Sometimes she’d give up on sleep altogether, get up, make coffee, and go back to the Internet to learn more.

And this meant that when Disclosure and the mass arrests finally happened, Marion was almost up to speed. There were still some shocks for her, as there were for even the most well-informed, but she wasn’t knocked sideways by them, as a lot of people were. Instead, as the world reeled and long-held belief systems crashed around everyone’s ears, she was able to offer herself as a source of information and clarification, and was soon out every evening giving talks. She was even able to give up the day job.

But the question of who had taken Claire and Conrad still kept her awake at nights. Was it the good guys or the bad guys? Where had they been taken, and why? And were they still alive?

***

The Cabal Tribunals began, and were broadcast world-wide. Like everyone else, Marion was mesmerised as the famous faces and their formerly hidden masters appeared in the dock, scornful and defiant as their horrible crimes were dragged out into the light of day.

Six weeks later Conrad appeared in the witness box, and Marion surprised herself by bursting into tears with relief, and sobbing continuously for half an hour. That night she slept for twelve hours straight.

Four weeks after that, she eagerly switched on for Conrad’s post-trial interview, and it was just as well that she was sitting down.

I understand you were recruited into the Earth Alliance twenty years ago, Mr West. How did that come about?’

Marion gaped in astonishment. What! Conrad a member of the Alliance? No, surely not! She heard nothing of his initial reply, as the heat rose to her cheeks. Could this possibly be true?

Well, I was being watched,’ he was saying. ‘It’s funny, but if you’re an observer of people yourself, you can forget that other people are also observing you. And they must have come to the conclusion that I had the qualities they were looking for.’

What sort of qualities are we talking about?’

I think you’d have to ask them.’

You’re being modest, Mr West. We’re talking here about integrity, discretion, courage and so forth, yes?’

That sort of thing. And competency, of course.’

As a lawyer?’

Yes.’

And they placed you as an undercover agent in Sanderson and Makepeace. Why that particular law firm?’

Well, it had already become clear that they were willing to compromise themselves ethically.’

Working for the Cabal?’

Yes. They’d already been used a few times, and done whatever was needed to get the result the Cabal wanted. So I was placed there to gather evidence for the Tribunals. Which we knew would happen in the end. It’s just taken far, far longer than anyone expected.’

So you were in that situation for twenty years.’

Twenty years.’

That’s a long time. Difficult to stay alert over such a long period. Do you think you got complacent – let your guard down?’

You’re asking that question because I suddenly fell under suspicion?’

Yes. And had to escape. Only just in time, I understand.’

Well, I was fortunate. I had warning. And I’m particularly indebted to the prompt action of the SSP Alliance. Without them I wouldn’t be here today. But in answer to your question, did I let my guard down? Not sure. Maybe. But there are always factors in these situations that you can’t control and may not be aware of. Anyway, once their suspicions were aroused, the Cabal took a closer look at me, and they must have found something, because the alarm bells began to ring. Fortunately my very well-informed friends heard them too.’

And arranged for your escape.’

Exactly. And very, very fast.’

I bet you’re glad it’s over.’

It’s a huge relief. I’m still pinching myself every morning to see if it’s still true.’

But Marion didn’t hear any more, because a horrible suspicion had begun to crawl up her spine. Conrad had spoken of factors he couldn’t control and might not be aware of. What was he referring to?

Only one day before they disappeared, Claire had been rude to Conrad’s colleague. Was that why Conrad had fallen under suspicion? It must have been – the timing was too close for coincidence. And Claire’s rudeness was out of character. So had she behaved like that simply because Marion had overridden her belief in Conrad’s basic goodness, and persuaded her that he was a Cabal stooge with blood on his hands? The more Marion thought about this scenario, the more likely it seemed, until finally she was certain. She had done this herself! It was her fault. And the guilt and horror that accompanied this conviction nearly overwhelmed her.

Marion had not been accustomed to introspection or doubt. They weren’t part of her nature. If they had been, she wouldn’t have been able to pursue her Activist calling with such fervour. She’d always had absolute confidence in the workings of her own mind, and hadn’t doubted her judgement of Conrad for a moment.

She had been so sure. So self-righteous. And got it absolutely wrong!

There they had been, the three of them, in such different roles – the Activist, the Lightworker, and the Double Agent – each making their unique contribution to the liberation of planet Earth. Yet she had referred to Claire’s spiritual work with contempt, and called Conrad a Cabal stooge with blood on his hands. And as a result, she had unwittingly endangered both their lives.

She was so shaken by this revelation that at first she didn’t know what to do. It threw into question her whole way of being, and she didn’t know any other way to be. In the end, and in desperation, she joined one of the meditation groups that were springing up everywhere.

Meditation was helping people deal with the shock of Disclosure, but it was also raising their vibration and acting as a force for change. People were coming to understand that the mass consciousness of humanity creates our reality, and so the only way to create a better future was to raise the mass consciousness. More and more people were joining in, as they recognised the importance of the work.

And as the Ascension energies increased and the mass consciousness rose, it became easier and easier to meditate. People who’d never done it before could now reach quite profound states within a few weeks, and Marion was one of them.

They do say that when the student is ready the teacher appears, and Marion’s meditation teacher taught three spiritual principles that she was now ready to learn. Not judging other people was one of them; she now understood from her own experience how foolish and damaging that could be. Self-forgiveness was another, which she gratefully embraced. Gratitude was the third. And she was grateful. Deeply grateful. She’d made a terrible – almost fatal – mistake, but by some miracle she’d got away with it!

***

Meanwhile, in a tiny windowless room in an undisclosed off-world location, it was confession time for Conrad.

Like Marion, he hadn’t been used to self-searching or self-doubt. They weren’t useful survival characteristics, so he’d made do without them.

Instead, he’d divided his mind in two (and humans are particularly good at this), with his outward life on one side of the divide and his secret life on the other. And like a good actor in a play, he’d convinced himself that the part he was playing was real, so it didn’t feel like acting at all. In the same way he’d convinced himself that his marriage was genuine. But the truth was, it had been set up as part of his cover, and now the cracks were beginning to show. Mostly because Claire had seen his post-trial interview, and come to certain conclusions.

Why did you marry me, Conrad?’ she said. ‘It was right after you were recruited, wasn’t it? Was I just part of your cover story? The good little woman who wasn’t too bright or too assertive, and could be counted on to keep a comfortable home and not make waves?’

Outside this room, Conrad knew, he was held in high esteem. But inside it he was being held to account, and by the one person who had the right to do it. He couldn’t fob her off any more, and he didn’t want to. She deserved honesty, however painful it might be. He saw that she was trembling with the stress of the situation. Confrontation was difficult for her, but she wasn’t going to back down, not this time. He felt a surge of affection and respect.

It sounds horrible when you put it like that. Yes, I was told to marry. And yes, you did fit the bill. But it wasn’t just that. I did like you a lot, and I still do. Cared about you. Loved you – yes, I did. And I did my best to keep you happy and keep you safe.’

Alright, I accept that. But the fact is, I was recruited to be part of your cover story, without my knowledge or consent.’

You’re absolutely right. But what could I do? I couldn’t tell you without compromising my cover. And could you have functioned in that role if you’d known?’

No, I’d have been absolutely terrified.’

Exactly.’

I do understand, Conrad. But I can’t help feeling used. And humiliated.’

Yes, I can see that. And I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say… Except, you didn’t have to stay with me, did you? I assumed you must have been happy with me, at least, because you stayed.’

That’s true. I did have the choice to stay or leave, and I chose to stay.’

There is something I need to come clean about, though, and I hope you won’t hate me for it. Whenever I saw you making friends with intelligent women who might have seen through my cover and passed their suspicions onto you, I did my best to drive them away.’

You did what?… Oh no… Oh Conrad, you didn’t do it on purpose, did you? Lecturing all those women on their own areas of expertise?

I’m afraid I did, yes.’

Conrad, that’s awful!’

Yes, I know,’ said Conrad, shamefaced but trying not to smile. Claire saw it and couldn’t suppress a smile of her own.

I mean, it’s funny too, but it’s really awful of you. All those women who could have been my friends, and you drove them away. And I was lonely, too…’

Yes, I know. And I am sorry. It’s just…’

… until I met Marion.’

Yes, Marion. Not so easy to drive away, was she? I should have tried harder. But the problem was, I liked her. I didn’t really want to drive her away. And look what happened as a result.’

I suppose that proves your point. But I’m still really angry about this. All those friendships I could have had…’

I know. You have every reason to be angry. But I hope you’ll find a way to forgive me. In the end.’

***

A couple of weeks later, Claire carried out one of her regular reviews of her marriage. But this time it was different. There was less agonising, and a different conclusion.

It went like this:

So, what do you think of your husband now? – Now you know a bit more about him?

Well, first of all, he’s a hero, isn’t he? Brave, intelligent, idealistic, resourceful. Someone who helped to liberate humanity. I’m immensely proud of him.

But…

But our marriage was a lie. All part of his cover story. I should have known! It felt wrong, but I couldn’t work out why it felt wrong… Just as well I didn’t, of course. But I was used. Used in a good way, perhaps. A kind way. For excellent reasons. But used, all the same. I found it hard to forgive that, at first.

But then I thought: Didn’t you use him too? – Use him to have a comfortable life where you didn’t have to work, and could spend your days as you pleased? So maybe it all balanced out. Anyway, I’ve forgiven him. And myself.

What about driving other women away? Have you forgiven him for that?

Well, that took a bit longer. But then I thought of Marion, and it made me laugh – she justified him for driving the others away, and paid him back for it, too!

So yes, in the end it wasn’t difficult to forgive him. And as soon as I did, I felt free. And now I just feel grateful. Grateful that he gave me such a pleasant twenty years. Grateful for his kindness. Grateful that he did his best to keep me safe.

But still, whichever way you look at it, our marriage is a sham. And I don’t want to be part of a sham. Not any more.

Final part soon

© Sue J Davis 2015

Please see Copyright Notice on the ‘About’ page.


One thought on “Knowing It All And Getting It Wrong – Part 3

  1. I like this idea, of creating a story along the lines of our current ‘Truth’ that can easily assume a knowledge of the hidden ideas that we’re on the edge of openly recognizing! Kind of like visiting our future by viewing it as though it is our past.

    Liked by 1 person

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